so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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