what day is it and did you see me today?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
