I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
