He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
