I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
