New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
