we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
