There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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