some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
