I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Randomize
