your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
