threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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