Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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