I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
