lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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