if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
