Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
