I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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