I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
