But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
