I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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