That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
