i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I am morally bankrupt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
