Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
