I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
