i think i have two assholes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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