Moan for me like Helen Keller
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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