Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
