you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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