I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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