theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
