...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
