And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize