All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
