I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
