I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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