Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
