arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
