i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
