normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
