I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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