Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
