between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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