I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it because I queefed?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
