Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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