I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
