My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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