If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize