I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if only i could text you this smell
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
