So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
cat food counts as protein by the way
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
