so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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