it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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