do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Rumble strips road head = magical
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
