If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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