He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
