I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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