You just made me feel so damn special
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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