I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
