omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
