You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
