You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
