i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
