Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The beer is more important than you right now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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