Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
