Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
