You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need a beard to bite.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
