You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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